Corporate Infiltrator

highlow:

I despise ad reps. Sorry if you are one, but some of the ones I know are the most horrible, condescending people I’ve ever met. On that note, today is the first day in a long time I’ve felt like I was really doing my job well.

OH MY GOD I JUST OVERHEARD ONE OF THE HANGRIEST BITCHES I HAVE EVER SEEN FULLY ADMIT THAT SHE IS “PULLING ANOREXIA, WHAT’S YOUR EXCUSE”

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW

SICK SAD WORLD.

THAT IS ALL, I CAN GO HOME NOW.

this is going to sound so awful but do you ever just sometimes want to shove balled up oily rags in the mouths of “aw shucks” kind of people when they won’t stop golly gee’ing the shit out of every fucking comment that leaks from their lips? i was going to say balled up underwear but those wouldn’t take the flames as well after you set them on fire.

so I am in the middle of writing a somewhat-important email this morning, and my headphones are on, to drown out the incessant chatter of two girls I work by, which is usually polluting my workspace.
still, I hear, “[name redacted]? [name redacted]?”
I turn to my side and see that a girl who sits near me is trying to get my attn.
I pull a headphone out of one ear and respond to her.
she asks me how to spell “mis-spell”
I tell her
then, to passively aggressively tell her to not fucking bother me when I am clearly
doing work, and even more clearly trying to show people to stfu by wearing headphones,
I say,
“you know, you can plug words into google and use it as spell-check”
she says,
“I know. I just wanted to ask you.”
all I could do was pop the one headphone back into my ear, turn back around in my seat,
and choke on a sigh.

From the Corporate Infiltrator mailbag, a reader writes in:

HA!  You’re George Carlin meets Dilbert.  You’re swell.
Beep.

she replies again, and kills me.

Looked at the section analysis- how did we get 11 pages is some things just a bit odd since we only run even pages…

learn english, and then learn math.

this is a great example of a typical email from one of the idiots i work with

bolding done by me

Hi,

Correct me if you are wrong but I think you have something like this all broken down—-and updated…please let me know and if you can provide me with this information.

Also if this is updated once a month etc. if you can provide all the information on where to find this- Jon will want to get access to this from time to time easily if he is approached by Vicci and Jon.

Thank you]

On Napping

mallisser:

Taking a nap at home to break up a boring Saturday: pretty nice.

Taking a two hour nap in your boss’ office to break up a slow workday: pretty awesome.

::yawn & stretch::

this is probably the best work-related post I have ever seen. and i’m jealous.